We'll hope it's not for nothing at all.

A big fault of mine. I have a hard time being empathetic. I feel as if I can do something then you should too. I know I had a pretty good life, but I believe it had it's rough parts. And for that reason you should be able to overcome whatever I did. I don't know what to do to get out of that mentality.

a purpose. a purpose?

So..I'm working on writing here everyday for the sake of my well-being. I've always dealt with bottled up anger and feelings. Not a big deal anymore. Except it's becoming a bit of a deal nowadays. So I write. So I express. Here where I can do it anonymously and hopefully without any extreme results.

I've been getting ready for an upcoming Ball. Sounds like Cinderella. I wish I was a bit like her. I guess every girl at one point or another wants to fast forward to her happy ending where she is already with her Prince Charming. I guess every girl at one point or another believes that she will end up with her Prince Charming. I don't expect that much. I do not know how I will end up in the following years, and I am glad. I don't wish to anticipate anything. I enjoy taking things in as they come.
As you can see I am quite easily sidetracked. I don't know who I'm talking to when I say "you" but it's quite comforting to know that someone is soaking up my thoughts. "You" may even be Mr. Somewhat Prince Charming.
Anyway, the Ball is at the end of the week and I just got my dress and shoes today. I was trying it on for my mother..(I don't call my mom "mother" just thought I'd test it out)..anyway while I was showing my mom, my dad came down and saw. Now to give a little bit of who I am..I am not a girl that loves to be a girl. I don't go all gaga for makeup, jewelry, designer clothing and bags, shoes, and dresses. I enjoy wearing sneakers everyday. I am in college and this is only the third dress I bought. I grew up on larger t-shirts and basketball shorts. My summer wardrobe consists of basketball shorts. Now when my dad saw me in my dress he immediately thought I was going to the ball with this particular dress to impress someone.
Now as much as I'd love to have a date to this ball, I am only going to have a good time with friends. It will be almost the end of midterms week, and I need to celebrate. It is only the beginning and I am stressed and exhausted. I really should be working on my philosophy paper now..I know it's common to think balls and dances are for dates. But there is NO WAY that I will be expected to follow that. That is one thing that annoys the living crap out of me. "You're supposed to.., A girl shouldn't..." Who says this and why am I expected to follow what you believe. Now my dad wouldn't believe me. I honestly don't have someone I am trying to impress. I barely have someone to be interested in.

upsetion

you upset me today and
as usual i didn't know what to say
couldn't let you and everyone see
the emotions that were clearly on my face
kept my eyes low and my mouth shut
while my mind was filled with rage and anger
at the thought of you and your assumptions
just letting yourself blurt out words
thinking i was some clumsy fool
i'm no fool
tears building up
luckily after a long game
it blended in well with my sweat
and blushed cheeks
you do not know