It's Over.

Thank you Twilight and Edward Cullen. I was a former Twilight fan hater. Now I am currently obsessed Twilight fan..I love Edward Cullen. The new mold of my fictional dream guy. It was nice knowing you Landon Carter. And I am not exaggerating..my obsession was no joke. But it was good.

With that fella, I am over it. Only way later do I realize what it was I felt. Only a crush. The big thing that pushed to decide to move on was church. Seeing him started to be one of the bigger reasons why I wanted to go to church. Not good at all. I started to forget the real reason why I started going to church. And I guess it's true about how it should be easy to talk to the person you are interested in. It should flow. I can see what a friend was saying now. You shouldn't be thinking thinking thinking all the time trying to figure out what to say. I can't completely agree to the following but I'm pretty sure if I am genuinely interested in someone I would know. I questioned myself and my feelings towards this fella too much. Twas nothing..

Once I realized that I needed to focus on God and my initial reason for starting to go to church it was easy. I moved on in an instant. And that's when Edward Cullen stepped into my life. Ha ha ha sounds cheesy I know but no joke. He's quite perfect. But of course he's fictional. And I know I get carried away with my chick flicks and dramas but after reading about Edward and Bella I really started to doubt love. I haven't experienced or witnessed a love as complete as those you find in fictional stories. So does that kind of love even exist in reality? Yeah everyone has a different idea of the perfect love, but I just did not believe that anyone's idea of the perfect love could ever be reality. Humans are so fickle. I sure as heck know I am - maybe more than others. I know it was only a "crush" but just seeing how I was so easily swayed into being interested in him and just as suddenly I was way over that.

Does the human heart have the capacity to hold that much love? Is it just temporary? I can't imagine finding the one person I'd like to spend the rest of my life with. The idea of divorce seems so inescapable. Well it's not what's going to happen to everyone but can a couple be truly happily married until death do them part? Can you really stick with one person for 50+ years and be happy? Without falling out of love? I've been really praying about it. I don't want to have a crappy empty definition of love. I want to believe in love. I want to have hope that I will meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Another idea - soul mates - don't know if I believe in that. Don't know if I ever did.

Ookay. :)