So I can't sleep. Had a real hard time last night as well. I'd like to say it was cause of that half an hour nap I took at 9pm, but in all honesty that had nothing to do with it. I couldn't stop thinking. I was passed out on my ass exhausted. But after my getting ready to sleep routine my brain started up and I couldn't stop thinking. I turned on the radio hoping that would keep my head distracted, but nothing. My thinking woke me up like an internal cup of coffee. And I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from it again today.
I like these moments cause I get to really reflect, but it'd be helpful if I had someone to reflect with. I feel myself panicking again. I feel distant with myself. Why am I having such a hard time figuring out what it is I'm feeling? I feel like it's the one thing I should be able to do right? But at the same time no it's one of the hardest things to do.
So here's the situation going down in my head.
The Problem lies all in this one simple yet difficult question: Do I like him? And why does this matter? This is the main source of all my thinking the past couple weeks. Say if I know I don't like him. Great! I can be able to be myself around him. I don't have to be afraid to be myself - which I shouldn't be even if I did like him, but it would make the task a whole lot easier - and I can go up to him and talk to him. If I do like him..Great! I can finally admit to it. I can then move on from then and try to lure him ahahaha no just kidding. But I can be aware of my actions and motives. I feel so lost in the middle. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? Either way it's just hard talking to him in person. Which is totally the opposite of what I stand for. I am a very vocal person. I talk! I scream! Why oh why can I not do this simple task. I'm just mad now.
No comments:
Post a Comment