Uninvest.

I know nothing ever really happened. But I feel very bitter about whatever I gave to this very unrealistic likeness I am feeling. I guess with nice guys you can never really tell if they're interested or if they're just being plain ol nice. I'm just in a bad mood maybe cause of the craptastic weather, but I'm struggling with myself. I can't seem to let this go. I AM PISSED. I look in the mirror and I yell at myself. SERIOUSLY?! You broke your period of "I'm happy to be single and don't want anything else" for THIS? To be indirectly rejected?! AGAIN?! Haha phrasing it like that makes it a bit funny, but it's exactly what I'm feeling. I feel like it's just the devil killing my mood. Cause I've been pretty happy and I've been reading the Bible regularly. And I've been enjoying going to Bible Study and I've been looking forward to it every week. And now I can't think of anything else but this crappy situation. Or maybe this is what God wants. Cause I've been looking forward to Bible Study just to see him and not Him.

On another note. Before I thought of this fella (fella #1) I had this dream about another fella (fella #2). Really random cause I did not know fella #2 like at all. Just met him actually. And I tend to overthink my dreams. Well in the dream I like another fella (fella #3) who I also do not know at all and he liked me back. But a friend of mine thought he was cute and although she didn't like fella #3 I just did not want to go there. He kept asking me out, but I said no but didn't mention my friend. Anyway he was walking directly ahead of me and he suddenly changes into fella #2 and kisses me. Even though this is only a dream I woke up thinking WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! Anyway the next time I saw him it was a bit of a special occasion. The girls were setting up a dinner sort of thing for the guys. And at the end the girls had little poster cards for each guy and I didn't really know anyone so I was randomly given any guy's card. And I got fella #2's card so I just thought to myself "huh..interesting.." And then the week after he offered a ride home cause we both live in the same area. But there was another person so it wasn't weird. And a couple weeks later he i/ms me and says something along the lines of "It sucks when someone doesn't like you..at least the way you want them to." I ask him if he's talking about someone in particular but he changes the subject which is not unusual cause he skips around a lot in a given conversation. Then later he says "I'm different. I stray from the norm. You're different. Which leads into what I'm about to say..." And I think to myself is he gonna say he likes me or something but is doesn't think that I don't see him that way? But I just play clueless and he changes the subject.. I tend to get quite uncomfortable quite easily but I didn't wanna things to be that way cause he's a nice guy. And he's been really supportive with certain things even though I just met him. Back to the present. I haven't seen him in maybe 2 weeks? And he i/ms me the other day about going to a concert cause his friend had an extra ticket for a good price. And I'm thinking is he expecting me to go with him like just the two of us? But a friend of mine was also going and she offered to hangout with us but she thinks he's a bit out there so she was hesitant. In the end the extra ticket his friend had went away. I don't want things to be like that! We're supposed to be there for each other to develop fellowship. But he's being labeled as socially awkward. I don't want cliques and I don't wanna be encouraging or supporting that kind of behavior. Then yesterday he i/ms me randomly again asking me what dentist I go to. I tell him I haven't been to one in maybe 7+ years ..bad I know. But my mom does not see regular checkups as something that is necessary.. :) Then he's like that's just an expression. You have amazing teeth! When you smile the world lights up. It's so natural. Everyone sees it. I just say thanks! Haha And I tell him I actually have to go to the dentist one of these days cause my teeth have been hurting and he suggests we go to together. Like seriously not one of those fake "we have to catch up one day!" sort of things. I mean I don't mind. He makes good conversation. We've had pretty serious conversations that I can't necessarily talk some friends about. But I'm afraid of the awkwardness. Cause talking to him in person vs. online is TOTALLY different.

I guess we will see.